an introduction to ego states

People tend to initially think of ego states when asked what transactional analysis is, but it isn’t very clear what these are and mean, so it can be difficult to understand why they are useful and how they can help. When reading a précis of TA - say, for example, on a site comparing different types of psychotherapy -, I tend to think that ego states, when mentioned, can sound quite mechanical and rudimentary, whereas they give us so much in the way of profoundly exploring, and thus starting to understand, ourselves, that they shouldn't be underestimated.

This article looks at a simple ego state model that provides a good starting point before moving onto the more complex models. I hope it is useful. My intention isn’t to do a comprehensive academic teach-in, but to hopefully share a way into some of the richness and complexity that makes up ‘I’/‘self’ for each of us - and how apparently simple models can help us understand ourselves and how we live in, and see, the world around us - exploring what it is to be us.

What is an ego state?

Ego is me, I, myself. And ego states, taken literally, are all of the different components that I comprise of, and the different states that I can/do exist in. But that doesn't do ego states justice. I find it helpful to think of them as a culmination of all of the key influences, all of the key beliefs, that have been instilled in us by others, and by ourselves, from being born onwards. Not just a culmination, though - ego states analysis and models give us a way of seeing and understanding how those beliefs and influences are coming into play and being expressed when we interact with others. These interactions are transactions.

Exploring ego states

Ego state models give us a framework for considering what we (our ways of being and doing) are each made up of. Using ego state analysis, we can explore how and why the influences and beliefs that become evident (either visibly and obviously, or much more subtly) when we communicate with others, came to be.

You've likely seen this simple ego state model:

This is known as first order structural analysis and is the simple starting point in which to understand and explore ego states.

P describes the parent ego state - the thoughts, feelings, and beliefs taken from our past caregivers. These can be parents and other influential caregivers - maybe grandparents or other family members teachers or close family friends. And they don’t have to be only from when we were small children - there may be influential parental figures later on, whose thoughts, feelings, and beliefs we have also amassed.

A describes the adult ego state - again, the behaviours, thoughts, and feelings, but this time as an appropriate response to the here and now.

And C describes the child ego state - the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that we repeat from childhood and, more widely, our past.

As we communicate with others, the place we are coming from - in that moment - can be identified as one of these three states. None of them are bad, per se, but getting stuck between parent and child, or tending to default to one of these ego states when another state would be more helpful, can indicate that we are thinking, feeling, and behaving in a way that is no longer helpful to us. People can tend to think that the end goal is to be in the adult state, and in this model, the adult state is a great place to be because the focus, here, is on the adult being an appropriate response to to each situation at hand (e.g. feeling intense grief when we lose a loved one is absolutely an appropriate response)); but, in reality, we move between all of the states, and it is extremely helpful and important to be able to access all of our ego states - to an appropriate degree.

Being able to engage the adult ego state is incredibly helpful when we move into either the parent or the child ego state and they are becoming too much. An example - if I’m late for work, I might momentarily panic - I’m gone straight to a not very helpful place in my child ego state here, unconsciously responding to past times at school and in previous jobs when I have been ‘told off’. It is incredibly helpful if my adult ego state steps in and takes over - I tell myself that it couldn’t be helped because of a train strike, that I am a grown-up, and that I can limit the impact of my late arrival by contacting my team to let them know. I might still feel a frustrated but, importantly, I take action that helps. And that frustration is a more appropriate response to the situation than the panic that was starting to flood me whilst in my child ego state. That example gave a version of my child ego state as anxious, but the child ego state also gives us access to spontaneity, creativity, and play. And the parent ego state gives us the boundaries and rules we need to function in our environment.

Being flexible and able to move between ego states is a great aim - responding as appropriate to what is happening in the here and now is excellent, but being able to access play and have fun, and knowing how to exist within society - and how to care for others and ourselves, are also vital components of us as people.

That above description is a view of each of us as individuals.

Ego states and transactions

The following diagram extends our focus to how we each interact with others (our ‘transactions’):

As drawn above, the model shows complementary transactions - when I talk to, and treat you like a child (eg I’m bossing you about), I’m in my parent ego state; you respond to me from your child ego state (you might be petulant as you really don’t appreciate being told what to do!).

Or you might, consciously or unconsciously, want me to do something and you start the conversation from the place of your child ego state, which (if I’m consciously or unconsciously playing ball), I’ll respond to in my parent ego state (I might acquiesce and give you what you want, or I might deny it, but with that parental slant).

Through this, we could be the same age and not related, or you could be much older than me, or I much older than you; that is not what is being considered. Ego states describe what place and state we consciously or unconsciously put ourselves in, and seek to put others into (as they also seek to do to us) when we communicate with each other.

It is worth noting that complementary transactions don’t necessarily mean good ones (although they can be, and especially when considering the adult ego state to adult ego state transactions). If we become aware of an attempt to move us onto an ego state that we don’t want to be in - when we recognise what is happening - we can change it. You could, in the example above, where I’m bossing you about, break the pattern by blocking the transaction - you might respond in your parent ego state (which could be interesting!), or (probably quite helpful) you might respond from your adult ego state and calmly explain why you are not doing what I want you to do. This might move me into an adult state (and we’ll have a grown-up discussion about it); if it doesn’t and I react badly, that is my problem as I’ve been unable to effectively shift to the adult ego state too.

I’ve covered the first order structural ego state model here, but there is so much more to ego state analysis, as each of those ego states can be broken down further and considered in much further detail, using different lenses. When training, we pass over ego states many times, with gaps in between giving us the space to absorb and explore the undoing and rebuilding of our understanding. This approach to learning something that starts off being quite abstract and difficult to comprehend, helps us develop a much richer and more nuanced view of ego states, and how they can be used within the context of the therapeutic relationship.